2001-01-14

when i was on my way out of high school and into college, my then buddies threw a big bash for me. it consisted of the three of us, pete, hurley and I. well, i had other friends, of course, but these were my 'special' friends. we 3 had one thing in common. a fetish for rock n roll music, rock n rollers, and the whole grunge/emo thing that was going on.

so this was their send-off (neither of them went to college, so it was kind of like that michael jackson mini-movie for 'bad' except before the college kid goes off to school and gets changed forever from the lifestyles of his old 'friends'). Pete had me give him a list of my 100 favorite songs. i chose them as carefully as i could. This was important, after all. making sure that the very best bands got at least a few entries in the list. and my entries were always of course a little off the wall, songs that most people might overlook from a certain band. (keep in mind this is like typical baloney -- nirvana, nin, pearl jam, pink floyd ... hi school stuff) I was a picky connosieur, even if it was popular stuff that kids all around the country also liked, fed by MTV and lollapalooza.

Anyway, Pete and Hurley took the list, ripped off each entry, and threw them all into a bowl. They then re-drew them, made a new list (with a different order), and proceeded to play every song on that list, from one to one hundred. We started in Hurley's little room, drinking whisky and vodka and whatever else we could find. eventually his parents wanted us out.. It was getting late after all. that was maybe around song # 40.

We continued the dancing/listening/rock-posturing party in pete's house, and backyard. I guess maybe his family (mom)was home, but somehow it didn't matter. I always felt comfortable completely relaxing and letting things go in his house... Any way, we blasted the music until the last song, and i have vivid memories of tearing up his bushes in some froth-driven frenzy driven by Megadeth's "Holy Wars ... The Punishment Due". And it was such a communion, because we supported each other; pete, and hurl, and i -- so that it wasn't a strange thing that we were doing. we were just being normal.

And, i remember Faith No More's version of the Midnite Cowboy theme (from Angel Dust - an incredible album) was song #100. I just lay back on his brick porch transported to some kind of ecstatic state, listening to the slow keyboard notes pour forth from the boombox. Smiling and thinking it will never get better than this. It was Dawn by then, neighbors were surely confused. But this was the Heidelberg Heights (as Scott can attest to, formally living there ...) the ghetto of New Tripoli. People shrugged off all night noise.

So yesterday, as i got home for work, having gathered 3 hours of sleep from my little chair in front of the computer, i found my self restless. It was some point in the shower, with Beck's Beautiful Way (from Midnite Vultures) playing, that i decided that that would be the first song, of a new list. a 5-1/2 year anniversary of that old time. so i gathered my cds, records, tapes, and dj'd it up non stop. all day long. This time it was during the daylight hours, in my little alcove of a basement, alone. I was just picking them randomly, didn't have a master list or anything stupid like that.

And all went well until about #52, REM's "Drive" just knocked me out cold. I was saddened, too deep a sad to weep. just kind of really down. i couldn't go on, i had to get out.

i've heard that song a million times, and it is linked to hundreds of memories, but never had it depressed me like it did today. I remember it on the radio, the first single from 'automatic for the people.' and the video of michael stipe being passed around on the crowds' hands. Skippig school with my second or third slight girlfriend, driving around with that song soaking the car interior atmosphere. Just to think that a song that powerful was on the "Radio!". ahh, how far we've fallen.

I'm getting older.

After a long walk and visit to mcdonalds and record shopping, i continued the list a little less-heartedly. I had to stop around song #88 to get to the movie with Jason and Emily that didn't wind up happening.

yeah well, it was a fun way to spend a day.

a "Beautiful way ... to break your heart."

loseriam.