2000-12-15

oh ok, well its been too long. its always too long. i don't have a computer now and unless st. nick drops one off it will be a while because my funds have been diverted into a new studio. which is fantastic.

im at the library and this guy with a mental dis ability is moaning and trying to communicate. his voice is so loud and scary, no one in the entire room can think of anything but him and his voice. it sounds like a demon is in there, trying to get out. i guess he has demons. it sounds so futile, he is expressing everything but communicating nothing. except in these gutteral passions. his left arm extended and swinging. hand clenched. brow tight-knitted. i obviously have nothing else to talk about or mention, he demands my attention. but i'll try.

nope, can't do it.

a black man is looking after him, patiently leaning over and smiling. grinning. just wheeling him around in his chair. speaking to him every once in a while. they are at a table with an encyclopedia, and the table has been vacated by its previous occupants due to the loud loud sounds this guy is emitting.

the girl next to me sighed, gathered her stuff, and left her computer. now maybe she was done with whatever she had to do, but its rare that someone just gives up their spot before the time runs out here at the library. the guy, i like to imagine, was getting to her.

his moans have settled down into little whimpers, incomplete words. looking at the pictures of the big encylcopedia. exclamations occasionally gurgling out. eyes intent on taking all of the passages in. the exoticisms of the encyclopedia. lives and animals worlds away.

i feel bad that i keep looking over at him. but hey, i got to so i have something to write about.

went to the twin donut for breakfast today (as it is my little tradition about once a week) and unfortunately a little (well,medium-sized ) cockroach on the floor ruined my dining experience.

not that it was all too clean or delicate or even that i thought it was before. but the twin donut was always just comforting. but today the old greek men weren't as lovable. just chatting and smoking.

well, some guy did bend over and moon a buddy that was yelling at him from the counter. that was endearing. and the twin donut man called me "boss" as usual. agh, i guess i can't turn away from its run down appeal, the lower middle class haven for a cup of joe and eggs and toast. i love it. (even if the guy did forget i liked milk, not juice with my 2$ breakfast combo today, i guess he was just busy ... had a lot of shit on his mind.)

the mentally estranged person has quieted down, content and pacified. now a baby being pushed around the aisles has taken up the mantel of noise-making. the keyboard is just greasy! so many hands have touched it/ fingers. the keys are worn and loud. a man studies hunched over a citizens test guide. my time is almost up. someone will surely replace me. i've got the book out timequake by vonnegut which i will start as soon (very soon) as ullyses is done. up, replaced. see ya'll later. ps . im in state college this weekend.!!!!!!!!!