2005-01-13

The most important tool the artist fashions through constant practice is faith in his ability to produce miracles when they are needed.

Mark Rothko 1947

It�s nice to be able to wake up and write first thing in the morning, such as this. Ah, everything is new again there is this routine to cleaning the dishes, making the bed you just slept in, clearing the cobwebs in your head, but slowly, deliberately, careful not to damage them, and curious to see if they can reveal anything. I�ve been doing push-ups in the morning to get the stress out of my shoulders and back, since I haven�t been able to get the time, space, money, or patience for a good yoga routine lately.
Well I�ve dropped off applications to Yale, Indiana University, and Bard in the last two days. Only a few more to go now. As I was walking to the UPS Store in Manhattan, I passed the old place I used to work, I***links; the place where this diary was fed for so many years with weekend updates after midnight, where I could chat with Australians on line who were lazing away the day in front of their computer. A bit of nostalgia, but mostly just cold shudders at the way I used to live. I saw a woman pass me entering the subway as I was leaving that I swore was my old girlfriend J-net. She had a very classy �Queens girl� look about her, red had with flower on it, offset to one side, black dress, and black heels. She was fiddling to get her Metrocard out. I stood there stunned and tried to say something, or talk to her, but (A) I wasn�t sure it was her, and (B) I didn�t want to get involved because I�m pretty sure she�d want to hang out later, if it was her. Not that I�d mind so much talking with her for a bit, but other people who I happen to be married to always seem to pry out the truth from me, and would be bothered that I was talking or meeting up with an old flame.
So anyway I just stood there and watched the woman who might have been by last girlfriend find her card and go through the subway gate. She seemed taller, but maybe it was the heels. Anyway, so much for excitement these days.
2005 so far has been a year of waking up late, and falling asleep around 2 or 3. there�s been no rush to alter the course. And plus i get a little nap around 6 pm. Yes, I know I tell everyone that I�m so busy with application stuff; and it�s true, it just takes a lot of willpower to psyche up to do them. So then I have a beer in the afternoon, and take it easy for a while.
I called my dad yesterday, on the prompting of K, to ask for work. Since here in New York I don�t have anything to do until February, and since I�m really up to my hip (and its not hip) in debt, and its easier than caring about searching for more work here in the city, I figured what the hey, a way to get out of town for a spell.
This is quite a revelation, though in a way. The last time I worked for my dad was probably10 years ago. All through high school I worked for him, mostly, building houses, apartments, mowing tons of grass, building decks, planting trees, tearing down trees, lets just say he likes to keep busy. But after college, I determined to get as far away as possible from him and his jobs. And I haven�t looked back. I wanted to show them and myself that I can make it in the city, and that I don�t need there help, nor did I particularly care if the lawn was in disarray. I was certainly tired of them being on my back about my future and career choices as an artist, so I just cut off communications about the whole damn thing. We haven�t really ever cleared that up, it will probably take some time. but anyway, now I�m going to work for a week and a half for him. Nothing serious, just a means to relax and do something completely different but at the same time so familiar. He�s working on a cabin in the back yard that is part of the bed and breakfast. Have you , dear reader, ever seen this website?
Anyway, that just took like 15 to do, because I haven�t done html in some years. Today i�m going to finish up another application, (Hunter College), and go have a well deserved look at some galleries in Chelsea . Also, my friend Karlos has an opening tonight! Its just art day all around. Plus I might go to Bendel�s and have a look at panties by Gentry, aka freudsfave, my new and past hero.