2001-06-17

ah.

the name of the game is art. is good. is making a life for yourself. making yourself happy, and content in the surroundings you are placed. not holding back. these are cliched, worn out pundits. but you have to refresh your memory and see how very little changes. do the things you like to do. you can build yourself a very 'complex' life, but it should all be based on simple principles.

i like words. i am a wordy fellow. though i lack poetry so much of the time. or the enjoyment of the word. its like i suck out all of the juices in a word just to pin it up on a plaque and say, 'there it is'.

or my work, or my way of living. its all the same. constantly editing (which is ok), constantly reducing things. everything has a plan, an order, a drawing in simple terms that explains how it works. everything can be understood by terms of exact opposites. pairs.

its boring, and wordy. people are like, 'yeah, but where does he get the joy out of his life?' maybe, i don't know; that's what i assume they say to themselves as they walk along the way.

sometimes a touch is so healing. i was with these folk in the space. and they were all in this deep conversation. and this one guy tyson was worried and kept worrying about our perception of him, and that he was talking too much, and dominating the conversation. that his blather was annoying to us. and no matter what sort of way we tried to 'tell' him that it was ok, that it wasn't true - his worries would still be there. but if i just leaned over and touched him on the shoulder and say,'its ok,' and look kind of at his face or straight at him, it was such a more powerful kind of persuasion.

and at some point in the night, i was talking to kristy, and it was the first time we really kind of talked beyond the superficial level, or beyond the 'getting things done' level. and she was like, 'wow, i should talk with you more.' and i felt the same. so that was nice.

and then lev was also there. and it was nice to feel non-antagonistic towards him again, like in the old days when i first met him and thought he was such a beautiful soul. now lately, i've just seen him as kind of a brat. i guess he's a bit of both.

sorry kelli for going so soon on the phone.

see you soon.