2001-06-05

ahh my fingers aren't so nimble, and my brain isn't just tripping along with the greatest of ease tonight. i am getting a little tired, a little stressed. a little worn through at the edges. i am worrying that my show(s) this friday and saturday will be poor. that they will have poor elements. that i won't be the best it possibly can.

somewhere i also know that that is poppycock, and that i'm pretty well prepared. but still... there's so much i could do to make it better. to have it more grounded, or saturated, or layered.

well, i think priority #1 is the Arther Rimbaud poem on which it is based. i'm just about done memorizing it now. whenever i sit down to rehearse it, to read it back in my mind, i'm amazed at the length and the time it has taken to get it all down. over a month ago i looked at it once, walking home from work or something. and i remember just walking on the street and reading this poem in the morning, as most people were just waking up,

and thinking to myself: my god, this is it! i need to do something!

and well, since then i've been somehow building this show from all my little rehashed ideas. and characters. and newlymade friends who seem to have the patience and desire to work with me, indeed, to glean the same type of joy out of this that i do.

the show is this friday, and saturday. there will be dancing, singing, theatreing, drumming, chanting, reciting, movement, lights, stage, soundtracks. and the amazing part about this all is that it isn't coming off too cheasy, or too 'performy'. a traffic cop came in off the street and said it was 'amazing'. these graffiti kids walked in, kids off the street, with no connection or love with theater, art, or 'hi-brow' entertainment. and it was at about the point that i was stamping and pounding the wooden stage on all fours, with goat horns on, making a rhythm with my extremeties, and liz and carmy were chanting or singing one or two loud clear notes that just Filled the space... and the graffiti kids were all like, 'that's really great ..." utmost sincerity from the street smart.

just tootin' my own horn here. still, i am getting sick and nervous. and i know that when kelli is here, and its friday, i will be a wreck.

whatever...

they fired two more old timers today from intrali-ks. people from before my time. i was this close to walking in and quitting, but i was prevented by brian the man-ager at the elevator, and we had a nice congenial talk that cooled me down a bit. soon so soon i will be off nights. Hallelujah!