2000-07-08

its getting cold in here quick. It's only 300 am, yet the air conditioning is kicking in extra hard already. By 5 im usually shivering, a blue by-product of the necessity to keep thousands of $'s in computers cool.

and im listening to spinner.com's eclectic mix. which is truly wonderful. i listen to the laugh trax, which have guys like bill hicks, and judy tenuta -- then switch to elvis costello unplugged, ... so on and that's the scene hear tonite. just me and lydia, and two turkeyburgers that her mom made for us.

(oh, there's also a choco cake that's sitting out on a table, a gift to the day people. but like all those hand-me down lunches, the nite shift gets the shaft- im sure the cake is crusty and gross by now.)

Since i last wrote, i went out to dinner two more times, and had bunches of drinks. So this is what its like to have extra money lying around . . . instant gratification, less time cooking mediocre in the kitchen.

Galapagos was ok, kind of like enjoyable atmosphere, and the art - stuff is amusing. that nite there was some digital displays on the wall, and crazy music loops and chanting blasting through 5 foot speakers. Everybody seems to be into video projection these days. I saw it in Fun as well.

any way, yesterday i met up with tom and claudia to see the Tricky show at central Park. It was packed with people, a free show and all. and the best part was, (i guess because im not a tricky fan, i wasn't let down by this)- he did one improvised song and then left. It was more like a little chill session then some big show. But the number of people gave it a huge venue feel. Not to mention the mile-long lines for the Heneiken on sale. A big scam for beer sales was all it was. I couldn't even bring my snapple into the place, [glass bottle = potential threat to the bottled-up public].

i've been thinking about how all of our thoughts revolve around each other. We keep thinking the same things all day long, keep running into slightly different versions of the same thoughts we had the day before. there are only so many things that we think about; and only once in a great while do we come up with a new model or idea to describe some aspect of the world around us.

and i think that when those models do "come" to us, its really as a result of growth that has occurred in our selves. A reaction. I often don't think of those 'ah-hah' moments as relying on something else. I've prefered to think of them as self-sufficient; that they are their own cause. But it seems to me more reasonable now to think that they are just window-dressing. (sure they make life worth living maybe -- its the nice thoughts; the slender, tested and true beliefs that we hold to that make us happy and keep life worth living).

maybe what i want to say is that they are all subjunctive. there is no real true belief that everyone can all call their own. We've all got different words for it. and that's obvious. I've got a habit for stating the obvious and getting all tripped up in excitement over it.

sorry this is so boring, (readers out there that've made it this far.)

people that work this shift, particularly girls- - seem to always have someone to call up and begin arguing with. since there is little work to do, that's the way they spend their time. involved with someone who they are attached to and so forth. its nice to hear sometimes, grating at others. the wierd thing is, ive never gotten into an argument with a girlfriend, (boy)friend, significant other, or what have you. raising my voice just ain't my thing, never will be. my last girlfriend, patient tho she was, could never get me to argue with her. like out and out argue. of course this is a bad thing. bottled up bad emotions are my specialty. ive defined (and refined)the craft.

d e e p b r e a t h. yoga is the way! Calm down everyone, and love yourselves.