2005-01-11

I ve been looking at old diary land people i used to read like uncle bob, freuds fave, an enigma; and plus im just sitting here bored out of my skull. So I had the whim to begin writing on this thing again. But the question quickly presents itself. No one is reading this anymore. All of my friends stopped doing this a while ago, what use is it.
Well gee diaryland sure was a good way to keep up with friends in the years after college when you still want to keep up with friends, but what good is it now? Who am i writing to? What is my urge to write all about? Am I capable of moving into a different realm than that of the narcissitic? Do I have anything to say?
Maybe we�ll find out shortly.
For the second year in a row, I am busying myself applying to MFA grad schools. Last year the list was taken from recommendations from two of my past teachers: Bard College, CalArts, School of the Museum of Art Institute of Chicago (yes that�s a long name). After a strange crazy spring of interviewing at Bard, being invited to a different program at Chicago, and finally being accepted to Cal Arts, things went all screwy.
I visited the school with every intention of starting in the fall, but when I found out how much it cost (hint people; do the research into these things first!), and how marginal was the grant money I would get, I jumped ship and told them I wasn�t interested.
So one of the profs at CalArts even called me and personally asked what it would take to get me to come back, where upon i said 10 000 dollars a year scholarship. He said, I�ll see what i can do, and hung up. I never did hear from him again. Later I heard from one of the Art department office girls that he thought I sounded too �wishy-washy�. And that was that.
Well, fast-forward to a year later, and I am at it again. And Cal Arts just received my new application (because I turned down a deferment last year like a modest but thick dumb ass), but in addition, so did (ahem) Yale, Bard, Hunter College, Brooklyn College, UCLA, UCSD (San Diego), University of Texas - Austin, and Indiana University � Bloomington. To Yale I�m applying in both Painting/Printmaking, and Sculpture, just because one of the students there thought it might be a good thing to do for a nutty performer/videographer such as myself.
So this year so far has been nothing but paper work, DVD making, slide duplicating, and essay writing. Hopefully for the last time as a mere Bachelor of Arts. Speaking of bachelor hood, I�m home alone tonight, and tomorrow. Kelli has run off to Philly to go see her friend Allison. And I�m sitting drinking beer and not finishing my applications tonight as I should.
What else? I�m broke, so broke. I put off work to make the portfolio in December, and now the Grainger household is feeling the repercussions. Rent that was due Dec. 1 just got paid for my studio today (Jan 10). Zoinks!! Anyway, it will work out; and I promise myself that I won�t let that happen again. No big bills or debts right now, anyway.
Kelli even suggested that I ask if I can work for my parents in PA for a week or two. Now that would be novel, going back home to work. Of course, my dad has everybody work for him . . . his other (real) son, Rob, his son � in � law, even his old friend Ted who is as old as him, they used to be neighbors like 20 years ago, and now Ted works for him. It�s bizarre.
Also bizarre is my parents affinity for these 4 ducks that they bought as soon as their last child promised she would leave the house. The waterfowl have replaced the kids that my dad had in his house for 40 years.
I want to begin writing about my observations on the world, or a funny thing that happened to me that has some meaning, but it just seems I�m not there quite yet. It�s been so long since I�ve been in the habit of writing just for pleasure. Love and kisses to all my fans