2002-08-01

firstly, lets give it up for andrew@diaryland for hosting these here images on this practically sometimes defunct webpage even when i don't pay for gold status anymore. what a swell guy. i might just send him a lil' check of appreciation one of these days. and since time seems to be back in my court as of late, well, ill give another little bit of time today over to the old journal ...

later on this month, i plan to take a dance workshop at maybe Trisha Brown studio, or Steps, or even maybe Merce Cunningham. Dance has always been such an important part of my life, from breaking the glass coffee table when i was 8 while jamming to Michael Jackson's Thriller, to ska fests galore that seemed to pop up every other weekend at the Penn State Hub. My mom was a dance instructor while pregnant with me and and aerobics instructor with my sister, as late as 7 months, i think. and we got a lot of jolting around. (oh, did i mention my sister, now 16, is going to Sidney, Australia later this month to compete in World Competition for biking? yeah)

So dance is important. and since NYC is really a place that will only fulfill your expectations when you put a little of effort into it, i 've devised this plan, which has really been brewing in me for two years now.

I tried to have a performance in my studio last week; trying to draw people out of the local PS1, Moma saturday dance party with big, pretty handwritten signs. alas, there was not enough synergy or hands contributing, i can't do everything. People did eventually show up, all at once. but then it was like one guy said, "im' leaving, and the entire crowd agreed silently with their actions. the studio emptied out. and i realized that it is really uncomfortable and unaccomidating for you to just surprize people into viewing a performance, or cramming them into your studio, which somehow represents your life. It s a proximity too close for strangers. maybe even too close for friends.

We will try it again this week, though im not exactly hoping for too much.

any way, since this small little pathetic let down, i've kind of reaffirmed my beliefs. this week has been more work work work. on all aspects. walking the miles it takes to get to the studio, instead of biking or training. learning to Choreograph dance, just as rehearsing a song, or repeating a drawing. just like taking a walk, the simplest of all . . . it is all based on repetition, which is , for me, the basis of meditation. concentrating on the repetition. till each day is a repetition. each day is a meditation.

the performance, with audience, is the place where i select which of these little acts to perform when,and how. it is the un-furling of all of this cocoon like activity.

or something.

any way, i feel im getting a lot of work done, certainly not done yet though.

my best wishes to the bond family on their upcoming move. love love love.

d